Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I will survive...

I couldn't help but break into tears when I asking Bobby why is it that every time I feel settle and happy thinking that I have everything in control.. something must come up and pull me down?

Why can't I live a life like most average girls? Having a happy healthy family with a super dad taking care of everything, then get a job with the help of daddy's social network. Have a boyfriend who pampers me with expensive meals and branded bags, and secretly put in cash into my wallet when he knows I'm broke... Then get married at the age of 21 just because and have the first baby at the age of 23.

If no money, just go back and ask from daddy again.

Sometimes I wish that I'm not that tough. Can I be that fragile and brainless bimbo who can avoid all responsibility and even reject to grow up? I wish that there's someone there who will jump out to the rescue every time I'm in trouble. Or maybe it is just God's way to test my ability by giving me never ending challenges.

I was just hoping that I can have more time to save enough so that I don't have to trouble anyone. Just a simple request like that also got rejected.

Of course, Bobby offered to help but I declined. Forgive me but, I'm pretty much used to being that independent lady and paying for my own meals and movie tickets. I'm still coping with the fact that my boyfriend had started working and I should not feel guilty if he's the one footing bills.

In another four months time, I will live the life again.
The one that I once dreaded.

Study by day and work my ass off by night. Feel sour when hearing classmates talking about allowance and salary whereas I have to think where to get the money to pay those freaking useless thick textbooks. Skipping lunch or tea invitations because I only have enough to buy fuel so that I can go to work. Being the odd one out again without laptop to use or all those "i" products... iPhone, iPod, iPoop, iPiss...

Well, look at the good side King. You can see Bobby more often now. Then if you're broke, you can go to Ye's office and eat lunch for free.. (If that's still available). Going for movie is way easier now and more options for lepak, if I have the extra money that is...

OWH! I was casual about the competition for the past week but now, I really wish I can win the first place. By winning, I can get those money I'm lacking now and own a laptop that I can used for blogging with cafe's wireless.

I got to be honest with you all. If I win, I will be keeping all the money to pay off the tuition fees. And even if I donate part of it, it's going to be between me and my Buddha. I need not announce to the whole world that what charity work I'm up to.

I'm sorry if this post bored you to death or offended you in any way.. but, I'm in a pretty foul mood and I need to get things off my chest.

Dear God,
please give me a sign.

I had a long chat with my mum and she's my savior, both financially and mentally.
Mum says the nicest and sweetest things. I heart you mum.. even if you have no idea what blog is after me explaining the 15th time to you.


Atul said...

Best of luck Nonnie!


uglyfatchick (Chicky) said...

Yes you will! :)

You're my inspiration.

If I can curb my spending. no no. no IF. I MUST curb my spending and save for my studies. And then I'll study again!

Effy said...

You know what you want and you're going for it so do what you have to do and have faith. Some people have it good and some don't but that’s the way it is. However we can only hope that we’d make the right decisions through the course of our life. This is your journey so make the best of it. Plenty of good luck and god speed.

Or I just don’t know what I’m talking about. Hehehe.

Nonnie King said...

Atul : Thanks Tul... Go online and I wanna rant it out to you.

Chicky : MUST LAH! We both work hard and be each other's inspector.

Effy : =) Thanks for those words dear. It does make me feel better compare to those lost-bimbos.

Qamaruz said...

no worries, one day it'll pay off =) i know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

Nonnie, there's a lot of people who CHOSE to work hard for the things they want, even if they can have anything with the snap of their fingers.
Why? Because life is more meaningful this way.
In your case, fate chose that route for you. So be it, because in the end, you can shout to the world that it's all YOUR hard work. Be proud of yourself!
Good luck girl!

Jewelle said...

You WILL survive Nonnie!

In the ways that you've let us get to know you through your blog, I have no doubt that you will overcome whatever it is you're going through right now.

Best of luck!!

nureen said...

Best of luck Nonnie..i wish i had better words to make u feel better. But do think that in the end, it's all worth it..u go girl. i know ur the strong girl...can overcome everything. oh yes...we GIRLS can!! :)

Nonnie King said...

Qamaruz : Yeap. Just have to keep waiting for that one day.

Anonymous : Aww... That's really sweet. Thanks for the luck and those words.

Jewelle : =) If I can't survive, I'll just ask any of my readers to give me food...

Nureen : GIRL PAHWER!!!! You don't need to use nice words to encourage me. Just the thought of you all showing supports is sweet enough.

CiliQueen said...

Hi Nonnie..

Winning is one's a bonus if you win..if not then it's not end of your blogging world..right?

Being yourself is more not let what those lost-bimbos and their allowance or whatsoever you call them - get to your head...please yourself yo make yourself happy what's right for you...if you can tahan the odds is easy for you in the coming days...good luck for the finals!

Anonymous II said...

Hey Nonnie,
Just wanna let you know that I was really touched reading this post. And I am now starting a campaign to get you voted!

Be strong dear. There are reasons life is throwing things at you, but I know you can overcome that.

The very best of luck to you!

Ps. I've linked you from my blog.

De Pianist said...

Even though i don't really get the idea on what dilemma you're into,but then you have my 100% wishes and support..^^

Pingko said...

You can do it!

Anonymous said...

I asking?

Nadia said...

Nonnie, what you were saying about living the life of average girls.. that's not average!!!

That's IDEAL.

Nonnie King said...

CiliQueen : Yeap, just a bonus. The result wouldn't make much difference actually.

I will stick to what I do and plan. Hehehhee, and I'm definitely better than bimbos.

Anonymous ii : But, you didn't leave your link for me so that I can read yours.

Thanks for the campaign darling. Much appreciated.

Pau Lene : Garfield also has a good side one.. Now I know.

Nonnie King said...

Pingko : You treat me once a month to support me can?

I will put a 800 x 600 photo of you in my blog every week to acknowledge your kindness.

Anonymuos : I asking...what?

Nadia : I don't know darling but, I really thought that's average for most of the people I get to know.

Life seems much easier for them.

Tina said...

I don't know many people who live the "average" life you described, Nonnie. Hehe. Must be some lucky cows or they must know how to hide their problems so well! Skilled. Haha.

When you get out of this alive, you will have super-extraordinary-amazing survival skills, you can even live in New York! OK, I don't know where that came from. ;)

You should be proud of yourself for being strong and independent. But don't feel bad at moments of weakness. We all have them.

Hugs, and all the best on the journey you're embarking on!

Anonymous said...

Oh dear... I'm sorry to say but i have all of those... i dont work and my husband pamper me with all the designer bags i want... dont worry dear, u'll get there... and i'll definitely vote for u... all the best....

Anonymous said...

Well you're lucky that you're working. :) $ will never be enough if you don't know how to manage it no matter how much you earn. Imagine those who earn below 1k and have wife and kids to feed. You're still consider lucky actually. Hope life will be much easier for you in the future. :)

Anonymous said...

You earn more than 1.5 k? You're lucky! I don't own a laptop and any of those 'i' thing too. If you're taking PCGE, there will be plenty of resources at the library. No need to buy textbook leh.

Nonnie King said...

I won't be getting any pay when I take the course.