Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I am pretty

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

I tried to convince tell myself almost everyday from the moment I wake up to the time I close my eyes and sleep that "I am pretty".

But once I walked pass any mirrors or reflective surface and saw myself, "Eww! Where does this obasan (aunt or old woman in Japanese) wearing that loose and out-of-style baju-kurung with messy/ frizzy hair, round chubby face, big and flat nose, and not to mention.. the so-call typical Asian women's eyes...comes from? Mental hospital?"

Yes yes.. I know, you want to say I don't look that bad mah... but you can't deny that I don't look any better either.

* * *

Okay... Let's talk about my hair.

I tried re bonding and perming. Results were great...for a moment. This things don't last forever. Split ends, dry and fizzy are all what I'm getting now.

And I felt guilty if I spent too much time and money taking care of it. Hair treatment cost me BND50.00 and the last time I had it was last November.

For God's sake, pampering myself in saloon once every two months is one of my resolutions for year 2007. And I'm telling you, I'm definitely failing this.

* * *

Now, my face.

Two eyes - checked.
One nose - checked.
One mouth - checked.
Two ears - checked.

Hmm.. not bad for a beginning.

Now let's see..

Two big and round eyes with long lashes - Not there.

One small nose with straight nose bridge and well defined nasal tip - Absent

A pair sexy looking lips either thick like Shiloh's mummy or thin like Mrs Urban. - I can't classify mine!

Beautiful ears? Who cares about ears? Have you ever heard of people saying, "Wow, what great ears you have."

And Chinese says, "一白遮三丑" (A shade of fairness covers three shades of hideous), so being fair = pretty. Dark = ugly. I am definitely ugly if I live in the Ming dynasty. But at least.. I'll be considered as a beauty if I live in the Tang dynasty... Those men love fat chubby women.

Meaning... my tan skin complexion has already exposed all my unsightly appearance since the only part that is fair/white in me is my TEETH!

Ya, ya, ya.. I know Beyonce is hot and so in Halle Berry is gorgeous. Hey, they have other beauty elements in them okay. Aku nada. Kosong. Zero. Ling-tan. Boh!

So.... pretty face check, failed.

* * *

Next, bootylicious body.

Two lumps of fats hanging on upper chest namely breasts, yes.. I have that and I'm telling you it's not small. (Eeeee-seh, proud eh.. and probably the only thing I can be proud of. But it's definitely not for public display). But the thing is.. it comes with a ring of fats at my abdomen as a package. You know, buy one get one free kind of thing.

Arms - When I wave goodbye to you, please don't be surprise that you see not only my hand but also another unidentified piece of fat meat a.k.a flabby arms who always want to join in action no matter the number of times I asked her to stay in position and don't move!

Butt, I have too. Well-spread to the sides leaving nothing to fill up the jeans. Must buy pants/ jeans 1" extra so that the zipper won't get stuck while on it's way to my waist.
Wow... extra cloths for the same price. Good bargain leh. I'm so happy to have big butt. Ha! Ha! Ha! *roll eyes*

If that is not enough, I have my thunder thighs to complete the full package, so thick that sometimes I wonder if I'm related to the elephant in the zoo.

(For the matter of fact, I am related to "elephant", a cousin whom I dislike for some reasons and that nick was given years ago by a close friend which I think she prefer to stay anonymous here)

* * *

I guess if I'm a pig I can be sold at really good price, by kilos.

I know I know. You may tell me if I'm not happy with my body, I can always go for diet plan and work out..which I did. Just that it's not consistent.

My fault - for eating instead of staying hungry and later convinced myself that guys prefer fleshy girls than the skinny one. Who want to hug a stick anyway? Go cuddle with a broom better, at least it won't ask you won't have to worry that you'll break her bones later. And.. my ah-pui prefers me to be huggable. *shy*

My fault - for telling myself that I might regret not eating my mum's cooking for every lunch and dinner. Life is unpredicatble and I definitely don't want to die with a hungry stomach! Very kasian eh! Even if I die, I want to be a ghost who can burp. I thought they always say "Live life to the fullest"? I'm just following ma. No?

My fault - for not working out. But hey.. at least once a week, just to sweat and feel healthy and not for losing weight. Okay okay! I lied. I exercised when I felt guilty of eating too much. Happy now?

* * *

And there is nothing I can with for my face, apart from washing it with cleanser, later apply toner and follow by moisturizer. Not forgetting the sun block too.

If I want to zh'ng my face, I think the plastic surgeons will recommend me Rhinoplasty, Blepharoplasty (which I needed most! Don't you go telling me single eye-lid is special and it brings out the beauty of Asian women. I'll show you finger which happens to be the middle one), Liposuction and Tummy tuck. One, two, three, four... Four surgeries only. Okay mah... not a lot. At least I don't need breast and face lift..for the moment.

But.... No money and no guts = stay ugly forever.

* * *

Or you may say.... "Be more confident of yourself lah. Women who are confident of themselves are sexy and pretty."

You telling me that the legendary 許純美 Xu-Chun-Mei is sexy and pretty? Because she's definitely one woman I know who feels very confident in herself. And not to mention... Furong Jie-Jie too.

(God, these two women is polluting my blog. And.... my eyes! My eyes!
But, their pictures makes me feel better about myself =p)

I don't want to look like an idiot and make a fool out of myself thinking that I'm pretty and sexy pouting my lips and twist my neck to the left or right every 30 seconds with my eyebrows raising every 15 seconds in public and flip my hair every 10 seconds which might probably lead to neck sprain.

Anyone have "Look pretty and sexy for DUMMIES"?
I need that, seriously.

* * *

Can put on some make-up to cover up the flaws and enhance the look what. Heh, foundation, blusher, mascara and lipstick - no problem.

Eye shadow and eye liner - BIG BIG PROBLEM!

Teach me, how am I suppose to apply eye shadow on my eye lids when I have single eye lids with 2cm (or more) gap between my eyes and eyebrows.

. . . . . I felt like a frog now.

And.. I don't know how to apply eye-liner! I seriously admired those preteens who can draw their eyes like Avril Lavigne. My hand shakes. I think my eyes are ugly. And ugly eyes and shaky lines don't go well together.

* * *

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

No matter what, these words are not registered in my brain.

Every time I tried to input this information to my system, an error message pops up saying "Incompatible format. Please try again" and rejected it as if it was some malicious virus that would mess up the whole system.

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

And why doesn't anyone apart from my mum and boyfriend tell me that?

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

Okay, if you say inner beauty is more important that physical appearance, why do pretty girls always get more benefits and chances compare to the uglier ones?

People will still love the pretty one even if she's a super bimbo who doesn't have a clue about anything but cosmetics and party, and not the kind and caring one who looks very sorry.

You only need 1 second to discover a girl with outer beauty but 3 years or more for an average girl with inner beauty. And even though guys know that she'll make a good wife material, they still can't stop themselves for being a slave for the cheap slutty one.

Guys can never discover the inner beauty of a person. Only two types of men does - homosexual, and the monk who lives in the temple.

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

I should stop buying books and spent money on feeding my tummy, instead - spend the money on cosmetics (which I barely touch), cloths, shoes and bags.

I should stop feeling guilty for buying more than 3 shirts/ dresses/ pants a month and change my theory of "Only buy shoes when it's broken", to "buy whenever you think you need".

I should go to the saloon more and not feel like I'm wasting money on my hair that basically has no function but keeping my head warm.

I should stay in front of the mirror more often and practice my smile, my pose and make up skills instead of sitting in front of the monitor, browsing through pretty chicks photo and make myself feel like a pork-chop.

I should tell myself more that,

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.


And, force Bobby to sing me.."YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

Now tell me,

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

Not pretty meh?

Erm.. negative comments are not welcome as I already have zero self-esteem. Unless you want to see my photo in the front page or BB or BT.


I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

Inhale. Exhale.

I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.


I am pretty.
I am pretty.
I am pretty.

* * *

I guess now I know why I'm not vain nor a narcissist. I am not qualify to be one!
At least that's what I think.

我要愛美﹐ 不要自戀。

我要美麗﹐ 也要智慧。

我要漂亮﹐ 更要人緣。

* * *

I think what I need most is to be hardworking enough to make myself look pretty, generous enough to spend money on packaging, and a reminder for me not to forget that I want to be pretty.

But I guess after I wake up the next morning, I'll totally forget about what I said now and look like my usual self again.

Hehehehee. I thought being happy and content is what that matter most?

I'm healthy and all my parts are working... even though they are not as pretty compare to others. But hey, who knows my heart or lungs or kidney or liver are prettier than yours?

I am happy.
I am happy.
I am happy.


lex said...

Run out of blog for today, or you have been HIT hard by someone !

Anonymous said...

Beside that weird pic of yours (-_-)' ....

You seem preety to me...

Kelly said...

Ah king! don bring out those who are born to be pretty by natural to compare? Take the normal ones instead~ which i guess most of us do need to spend time + $$$$ to make ourselves good looking eh~

Hair = straightning + dying + steaming
Face = facial wash + daily facial products + face mask (optional makeup)
Hands & Legs = Waxing + Body whitening lotion
Body = Eat healthy + Exercise + Nice clothes

Seriously, how many girls doesnt require the above to make themselves pretty???!!!
Remember we saw someone few days ago??..she even require to put a lot of "cement" on her face to cover her flaws!!! (but don overcement yourself like her) LOLZ...
So lazy ass~~it's up to you on this thing..it's whether you will do it or not...yeah?

Iwan Sanchez said...

hello Nonnie,
nonnie ranting?

Hmmm.... i just wanna say we, human can NEVER be satisfied with ourselves. Maybe i can understand your feelings now...

Hmmm...u are not wrong to have this kind of feelings cos u are a woman afterall..

U may tink that i am lying, but seriously, u are indeed beautiful.

and one thing, u are a nice person..i am sure your friends can vouch on that..


I'm Choonie. said...

hey... you are a very pretty girl... at least you are the prettiest for Bobby. I can't believe you paste the ugliest pic of yours here. hahahahha... Very daring but funny!

Nonnie King said...

Lex : Neither bor.

Anonymous : HAHAHHA!!! Your comment make me laugh so much.

Kelly : Let me die as a lazy ass with fats around my tummy!

Nonnie King said...

Iwan : No la, not ranting. More like a confession I think.

Yes! I am pretty. I am pretty. I am pretty. Brain washing in progress.

Choonie : That, is not the ugliest pic.. I can make far more ganas than this. Hehheee

Everyone also say, as long as Bobby think i'm pretty can liao. But I'm greedy ma~

cc said...

I'm going to sound cliche, but beauty on the inside is more important. Besides, you are pretty to me. As they say, beauty is to the eyes of the beholder, who cares what some losers think of you? There're plenty of people who think you're pretty. ;)
That being said, I understand what you're going through, we're all hit by moments like that from time to time. Feeling ugly and undesirable. Cheer up! Your bobby thinks you're amazing! :)

jessie said...


Well..i had one of those days~~
Coz i see myself as fat and ugly too~~
But am blessed wif all the otehr things..like a good bf and good fwens~~

Guess evryone will have those days where u feel horrible and ugly~~
But, i think we are just lazy..

N yeah...all these beauty within is to console people like us~~
But then...it really is true~~
If not, how did u end up getting the most caring bf??

Rite?? :)
Hope u wake up feeling beautiful tmr~~!!!!

Sha said...

You are pretty
You are pretty
You are pretty


Inner beauty, and natural beauty, my friend are the best things you have.

My boyfriend always say that I dont have a nose, but when I look in the mirror, I can't find the flaw. In fact I think I have a nice nose.

It's all abt perspective :)

War186 said...

I think it's just a waste of time being hard on yourself about your looks. :) But that's just my opinion.

Anyway, very daring lah you talk about your body parts like this in your post hehe. ;)

JaMiLLa said...

I caught 3 important words while reading the post and comments.
Thought, Perspective & Life
Having a good thought is a hundred times more powerful than having a negative thought. Everyone deserve more and better in their life because they are the only one(101)in the world, no duplicate. They are special and unique. Treasure the only one which is yourself (独一无二) No one will have the exact personality with you.

Outer beauty is what people tend to go after each and everyday. But can you tell me how long does it lasts? Forever? I'm sorry the answer is NO, IMPOSSIBLE. The only way to stay beauty forever is starting from your inner part, your heart. Its the inner job. I'm not saying make-up is not good. If you are feeling great and good when you are in make-up, thats it! Its your thought which creates your environment.

Oh well I agree that outer beauty girl gains alot of benefits. But are you sure its 100%? Or just temporarily moment?

Guy tend to see and think the world with their mind instead of feeling it with the heart. It's just the habit. Our heart is more powerful than our mind.

When you eager to go after what people have in the outer beauty, did you ask your inner voice, what they really want and need? Did they like the feeling of following oeople's want?

I might sound serious here but it's definitely true. We tend to forget our inner voice and listen to other people's thought(outer).

Overall, its all about thought, perspective and the way of life.....

Note: King, you always look pretty to me with your cheerful smile.

lizzie said...

my best advice is: don't pick your features apart and analyse extensively. i usually just look in the mirror and say, "ok, my hair looks ok now that it's tied. i'm ready for the world now."

trust me, beauty is indeed skin deep. once the looks are gone, we all have only our personality to depend on =)

JaMiLLa said...

lizzie: you are definitely right.

A girl who has a gorgeous outer beauty but the inner heart is full of evil and judgement which means the eyeball is facing up when looking at people.

The more you hang out with those kind of people, you will feel uncomfortable with them. Why? Bcos your heart is telling your truth. Your heart will say AIKS I cant get along with this people's heart. No connection at all. They are using the brain to operate.

As long as you find out this truth, the outer part that they show up is just nothing but a rubbish.

People are connecting with people through heart not brain.

Bobby said...

No matter fatter, rounder or heavier, as long as you are still yourself as nonnie, I still love you.

Skyler said...

See your boyfriend so sweet, no need to zhng/snip-snip la.

Maurina said...

what on earth are you blabbering about! you have a hot body leh and nice face to compliment it! i'm chubby (fat, generously fleshed)! you, you, you're just.... right!

I'm Choonie. said...

OOOooooooo... that is really nice of your Bobby. I am starting to envy you liao lar!

uglyfatchick (Christina) said...

I cannot write this kind of post. it'll never end!!!

Nonnie King said...

CC : I do agree that inner beauty is more important, I guess that's the reason why I'm buying books more often than clothes and comsmetics.

And I doubt it's going to change. I love who I am now =)

Jessie : Yes Yes! A sweet boyfriend and caring friends are those who matter much to me. Inattractive nevermind, at least I don't feel lonely.

And yeah, I admit I'm just too lazy and my limit for staring at the mirror is less than 10 mins.

Oh, Bobby is my ex-classmate, we knew each other for almost 4 years before we get together.. knowing each other's history and background well already. So yeah...we saved a lot of trouble going through the "Knowing and understanding the new bf/gf" stage.

Sha : Hahhahha! I like the way you think. Maybe I should really do something to boost up my self-esteem.

Nonnie King said...

Wardah : Maybe it's my own body parts that I'm talking about that's why daring sikit.

Well, I'm fine with how I look despite of me complaining ugly. Hehhehee

Jamilla : Wah lao~ You writing composition is it? Hahhahahaa. Don't marah ah.

I just sui-pien say say one, but seems like everyone is taking it very seriously. Make me damn scare now lah.

Lizzie : Okie, I'll take your advice and I won't analyse my features anymore. I'll just let the professional do it. Hhahaaaa. Just kidding.

And I do believe that personality comes more important than beauty.

Nonnie King said...

Bobby : Eh? You don't mention anything about getting thinner and boobless leh...

Does that mean if I weigh less than 50kg you won't love me anymore?

- From your cari-pasal girlfriend.

Skyler : Neh, he won't let me do it anyway. He thinks small eyes, flat and round nose and chubby face are cute.


Maurina : You have something I don't, confidence.

Nonnie King said...

Choonie : Envy me? I envy you happily married to a husband who don't ask you to cook ah~

Christina : I'm sure it will end short dear.

JaMiLLa said...

1st Behaviour
WAH this is the second time you say me writing composition? Sniff sniff....don wan to put comment liao la ....or just put lil to tease u...

2nd Behaviour
Oh well basically, it represent that I really read your blog seriously and patiently. Thats why it took me to write the comment for at least half an hour to one hour bcos I really think and feel while I'm writing. You should feel appreciated. :D

What I comment is really happening today. It's true and fact. It's the human behaviour in the way of their thought. I love to talk about Life, Thought and Perspective.

It's time to change our perspective of life instead of following people's nose(thought) around. Create your own way of living.


Hey does it look like two different people writing the comment above?

King, you can notice that you received different type of comment once your new post is uploaded. So I wish I can give some logic comment with some humourous idea.
Something to look in different view with report analysis, thats why it does look like a composition but I call it LIFE REPORT. At least yout friend can get some new idea of life cos sharing is caring. HEHE :D

I know you just chin chai say say. You still love yourself as a whole you. Its ok for you to bring up this topic. At least there is a lot of people dump all the thoughts, views and ideas into your blog.

Hey can you see this post have 20+ comments? Celebrating this joy! Come on!

Note: King, I change my perspective of life after attending my personal training in 4 modules but pls do remember that sometimes I need space to feel down.

JaMiLLa said...

Sorry king king...I raised my voice too loud. And letting you and your friend, don't know what to say.

I apologise to those who read my comment and being offense if there is. Maybe my message delivered in a wrong transmittion.

Sorry! Dui Bu Qi! Minta Maaf!
Whatelse language to say. I know how to say in Cantonese but donno how to spell in words. HEHE :D :D :D

Nonnie King said...

Don't worry about it Xiang~