Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Body Contact


Short Talk:

11 more days to my birthday. Buy present for me liao or not? *eeseh*
If you don't know what to buy, come ask me.. I tell you.

Busy busy busy thus the lack of blogging. Busy with my working life, busy with my personal life too. And of course, Miss Whitiee had kept me company most of the time. Hehhee.


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Went to dang's open house last Sunday with my colleague. While greeting, Shirley and her "cheek-to-cheek" salam. Then after that when we looked at each other waiting for the next step...

Me: Eh, me leh?

Ness: You? No need lah.

Me: =.="


Ness & Nonnie
Just to let you see how pwetty and cute we are. Hahahah!!!


Indeed, why is it I hugged strangers .... okay, not exactly strangers, should be people whom I'm not that close with more than my good friends.

Weird isn't it?

It's like... "Hug for what? I'm seeing you again soon what." or "You gila ah/ You sick ah? Hug what hug?". Maybe it's a Chinese thing, a Brunei Chinese thing.

And if I'm not wrong, I only hug my friends when....

1. It's their birthday, or my birthday.
2. They're leaving soon to somewhere far away and not coming back in a short term.
3. When they cried, or when I cried.

I don't boh-tai-boh-chi (without a reason) go hug people one.
Is it normal?

Even body contact feels alien to me.

FYI, I hate hate hate hate people poking my back to call me. Patting lightly is acceptable, but definitely not "poking" with your damn bloody index finger.

Mun paham bisai.

(Is that good? I mean placing the "Mun paham bisai" there. I've been wondering if I ever get to use that super Brunei slang or not and I did it. Hahahaha)


I guess I can count the number of people whom I'm comfortable with they purposely or accidentally touched me. Usually I sensed awkwardness when somebody ter-touch me. I'm not talking about private parts, I mean contacts like hand-to-hand those.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fine with hand shakes. What I was saying is...


Example:

You accidentally dropped something and bent down to reach for it. Then someone tried to pick it up for you too and thus ter-touch. *bzzzzzttttt*

(Sounds like a beginning of a romantic love story to me. LOL)

Or,

Another guy's hand accidentally touched yours while shuffling the mahjong or lami tiles.

(You rasa ah SL? Hahahhahah! I shy shy when your hand touched mine leh. =p Okay.. Bad bad. Sounds like I'm flirting. )

I ever asked SL about that and he said the same. He told me that his girl-friends back in his uni days would hooked? his arms while taking pictures and it's fine. But when its with us (the conservative Asian bunch of kanasai friends) it feels weird to him too (if he puts his arm around our shoulders I guess) .

See. We're best friends yet body contact feels so odd.

Don't know leh? Maybe because I was raised in a typical conservative family that parents wouldn't say "I love you" and hugged every time we part or meet.

And this, I have to say I find it envious for the Malays.
(Don't tell me angmoh like that also mah. I know! I'm comparing conservative races in Asia okay)

This is something I noticed.
Malays always give salam.

Malay children salam-ed their parents before they jumped off the car.
Chinese children won't bother with what their parents had been nagging throughout the entire journey and can't wait to leave the car asap and play guli or hop-rubberband with their friends.

Malay married couples will kiss and salam before they say goodbye.
Chinese couples are too shy to do so. They'll say... "酱老了, kiss 什么 kiss. 丢脸死了” (translated: So old already, kiss what kiss. Memalukan saja)

or,

“走远点死鬼, 看到你就讨厌”

Malay students will salam me every they see me.
But I bet I won't get that if I'm teaching in a private school.



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I guess problem arises when we're too shy or too karit to show our loves. Maybe we should hug the people we love more often and not think that we'll always have chance for later before it's too late.

I want hug for my upcoming birthday ah people! A real one if possible.
After all, typing * - hug - * feel a lot less warmer on a keyboard. And I don't even know if you're going it sincerely or just layan-ing me.



Warning: Don't ching chai come and hug me if you happen to be an apposite gender. o_O

22 comments:

leeshi said...

ah~ I get what you mean.
Hehe. The reason I like your blog is that it always reflect the *bruneian chinese's* thoughts very nicely. I miss that.

I always do the cheek to cheek kissing thing with my malay friends, but I never hug my chinese friends (and my parents and my sisters) till the day I left Brunei to study.

I think everyone likes a hug once in a while, so nowadays, if I feel like a hug, I just go for it. People might feel awkward the first few times, then they'll be fine.
>.< I miss my mum. Wish I can give her a hug now.

Jewelle said...

You're not the only one but over time, and after having friends and families who hug, it kind of rub on to me - perhaps over time, you'll be used to hugging more too, especially with close friends and family.

Nonnie King said...

Leeshi : What to do, I've been living in this tiny 5,765km sq for all my life. I'm very Seria Brunei Chinese. Hahhaaa.

I seldom hug my mum, I like to hook her arms when walking or put my arms around her shoulder. Feel more friend like that.

Jewelle : I guess it'll be different when I start a family of my own. I'm guilty on hugging my boyfriend more than my mum. Sigh.. And I know my future daughter will do the same to me next time.

Effy said...

Salam is the first thing i did when i saw my parents at the airport and hug them like there is no tomorrow.
It is a display of respect. I think it is good that we instill that into our younger generations.

However without further digressing, Effy will give you a hug.

Nah, HUG!!

War186 said...

I always hug my gang of girlfriends everytime I see them. A hug and one air kiss on the right. It has been like a tradition for us since high school I guess.

After reading your post I got reminded of when it was early days for me and Boon, I taught him how to salam my mom properly. At first when I told him to salam my mom before he went home he just gave her a handshake. I can sense he thought that was awkward while I thought it was hilarious. Lol. Now he salam and touch his forehead to my mom's hand and also to the rest of the elders in my extended family (obviously done during Raya and such).

Iwan Sanchez said...

hahaha!
i am quite surprised to learnt that your students salam you. salam as in cium ur hand?
In singapore, from what i know, the malays dun salam and cium the hand the chinese or any races unless they are muslim..

thats what i learnt. hope u are not offended by it..

i also hate it when ppl poke my back to call me.. i tink its rude and give me bad luck!

hahahaha!

Iwan Sanchez said...

i am also like u, never hug my parents or kiss them one..

maybe this is a typical conservative asians bah..

Nonnie King said...

Effy : That's three LETTERS to be exact. -__-"

Wardah : Such a sweet thing Boon do it for you and your family.

Iwan : I don't know but my students salam every teacher regardless of their race. Chinese and Ibans, it doesn't matter much to them.

But jarang cium hand lah, mostly is hold my hand and touch their forehead type.

De Pianist said...

i'm used to hugging already.from small i always hug my parents before i sleep.if i'm at home,i'll do the same.hehe..but with my brothers,i can't do it.maybe cuz me and my bro are used to being rough,so it's weird for us to hug each other.haha..

but if with my m'sian friends,i know they're awkward sometimes,so i don't really hug them except those who are open minded d lor.now here,my mates are much more open,so if it's like body contact with guys and girls,it's common among us liao.haha..you also see sometimes my photos also got me being intimate with my guy mates d.haha.=p..

Effy said...

You've lost me with your reply O_o
like how you've lost me on MSG. Hahahahaha..

lunaticgal said...

depends on the person, if the person so KIND and OPEN, im ok w hugging dem :)

JaMiLLa said...

YES, thats right, effy!

HUG means showing respect. Theres alot more than that. When you are hugging a person sincerely, you can feel whether that person is in a good or bad mood if you got high awareness enough. Some of my friends can really see and feel people emotions. They can see people auras. They got high awareness because they are confident enough to be themselves no matter what condition.

I havent reach till that level but once I am confidence enough to be myself, I can do it too.

HUG represents love, care, support, respect and encouragement. When you hug a person, thats mean you are connecting with that person. When you are hugging, of course, you will give a smile to him/her not making sad face right. So when the person received ur smile, he/she will feel so warm inside the heart because you care for him/her as a friend. Not the type of pok mong pok mong.

I really found something funny and happy in this hugging stuff. I never hug my family before I attended Core Value, personal development course. They teach that a hug means show your love.

When I hugged my parents at first, they both felt strange. What did this course done to me and my sister? Gesture totally change. We kept on doing it no matter what their reaction. Till one day, I forget the hugging before I went to school. Both of them said "EH wheres pao pao?" They show the smile to me. Thats mean our parents really need the hug the love from us as we are their children. At first for sure they will reject. But slowly they tend to like it till they ask for it. They even remind us. Thats pretty cool right?

So when I got gathering with Core Value family members, for sure we hug each other as in telling us that we need to appreciate & love ourself and others too.

U might be noticing that some housewives complained and blamed that they don have a good life or married wrong person or the kid not really behave...blame this and that. This is because they dont really get much love from the family. They feel like they don deserve to be loved and probably they don love themselves too. I guess this is because we are typical Chinese who did not educate in young age to show love to our parents and companion.

Always scare of what people will think of us. If we hug openly, what people will think of it ah. So gali ah! If we always hold hand together, what others think ah? Why always we shd think of what others think? We have our thought ma ...why need to follow people nose? We tend to live in people thought not our own thought. This is what I mentioned that we cant be who we really are.

So girls, HUG nonnie on 5th nov if you see her around in street!!!! HAHA! Show love to her!!! HEHE!

uglyfatchick (Chicky) said...

Sama sama..

Eh, you fly to Singapore, I go airport hug you. :P

Anneesa said...

Waahhh Jamila, so long your comment..

LOLOL. Mun paham bisai..hahahahahahahahahaha THAT'S HILARIOUS!!!

(how come no one else laughed at that? chet!)

Eh, with my chinese girls, I only hug Bee Hong, the rest like you lar, we don't hug or anything.

We're very close, but no hugging or kissing. It's just weird. Lol.

Only on special occasions like, flying off or raya or birthdays. I think it makes it more special that way.

Anonymous said...

Hugs are awkward for me. I secretly want them though. I got a lot of hugs on my birthday. I loved the moment. I feel so loved. =)

I thought there was something wrong with me finding hugs awkward. Apparently, it's pretty common. =P

JaMiLLa said...

annessa, hehe! Nonnie already get used of my long comment. If you are her regular readers, you will notice me writing such long comment when it comes to the topic that really bring my thought to share with you all. Right, ah king?

Last time she even count how many words that I had wrote in the long comment and saying that Im writing composition.

I guess she found another of me in blogging which she don't usually feel it when she met me in real. Honestly, I tend to talk so-much in internet since MIRC, MSN and now in blogging. I dont usually do that in real life but only to my best friends not normal friend or strangers. I'm more open in here.

People will find me so different in blog and meeting me in person. This is what we all know that Dont Judge The Book by Its Cover!

Anneesa said...

Jamilla, Nonnie and I are like .....chewing gum on hair. Annoying but hard to separate.

But don't you think writing long comments which repeats the same point over and over again abit redundant? 0_o

Nonnie King said...

Pau Lene : Awwww.. That's sweet. I don't know leh, I always put myself in "awkward" mode one.

Effy : *malu* Sorry ah, always wrong frequency.

Lu Nee : That one of course la. Hugging angmoh won't feel awkward cos you know its normal for them mah.

Nonnie King said...

Xiang : You have the most sweetest and loving family as far as I know.

And thanks for advertising my birthday.

=)

Chicky : If I fly to Singapore I'll want more than hug. I want to have a nice meal with you and chit chat with you too.

Ness: A wah! I thought that's funny but no one laughed. Only you, gah... you know the best!

A lor, more special that way. The first time we hugged is when ah? Have we ever hug?

Nonnie King said...

Xiang : Annessa = Ness. She're more than my regular reader, she's a good friend. And you'll see her on my birthday dinner.

Ness : LOL! Who's the gum and who's the hair then?

JaMiLLa said...

Yeah they are my loving family!!! HEHE! But in some cases, I need to handle the another side of loving. Need time and patience.

Annessa,
Thanks for reminding me. HEHE! Im so eager to write everything, every words that appears in my mind without arranging the points.

Oh CHEWING GUM and HAIR? Who is to be chewing gum that is annoying? HEHE!

lonereen96 said...

Nice pillow you did! May I know where is the shop that did the embroideries and where did you brought the fluffy white fabric? sorry..if you find me a nuisance..hehehehe...