The current states of my room...

As you can see clearly from the above pictures... I have notes and papers lying around on my bed, together with my mini-table (the oven box) and laptop. Laundries that I termed as "can still wait for tomorrow lar", and my table... Can you see why now I have to study on my bed instead of the long table?

Give me another 2 weeks and I'll show you a super clean and tidy room.

As for the moment, leave your 2 cents and lectures to yourself. I don't need anyone to come and nag me. As long as I can manage to find my stuffs efficiently, I don't see why anyone should be concerned with it.

Well.. unless you want to borrow me your "Fatimah" or "Maria" lah...

Four

..is the number of cakes I got this year.

And they're all very special to me.

(Despite the fact that I'm not a cake-lover.. Their remains are still chilling in my fridge.
Anyone want a bite?)

Still alive, but not so kicking

Just a little bit of an update.

So... we're done with all our assignments, next... EXAMINATION!
I can't say I'm not prepare but I am panicking eventhough I'd do some revision.
Just that I'm not confident yet.

Anyway, I had a really fabulous weekend!
Coooo Coooooooooooo COoooooOOoo Magical.
(Pardon the silliness)

I have so many photos waiting for me to edit and post it, if you all still wanna know what happened on my birthday that is.

... Eh kawan-kawan, I still have 2 or 3 birthday gifts belum terima.
*Cough- Cough*

Not to you Soly, I haven't go to Charles and Keith to pick yet.
Will send you the bills after our exams ya.

Another 6 days to first day of exam.
Another 12 days to the other important paper.

At least this Saturday I got a wedding dinner to attend so I can see all my friends all under one roof.

Big head prawn...

Sigh....
I still remember clearly that when I was on my way up BSB from Seria, Bobby sent me a text asking me if I remembered to bring all the things and not left anything at home and I replied confidently, "YES!".

Last week I left my bluetooth mouse and tuition book & file.

Last last week I forgot about... and I've already forgotten what I forgot to bring up.

Sigh... And without my phone, I woke up like every 15 mins to make sure I don't oversleep but still fill in enough for my sleep quota. Now I end up feeling more sleepy. Sien.

Need more Omega3, DHA those stuffs.
Salmon sashimi anyone?

On Hiatus

Never thought I'll have a post with this title but yeah, sorry peeps.. I'm going to be real busy for the next 3 weeks overwhelmed by the exam schedule and also a very important test in my life.

I need all the time I can to study and do my revisions whenever and wherever I can.

Gosh, student's life in so challenging.

"Flying colors", I want you!!!!!

Or maybe every now and then I'll just post really short post to divert my attention from studies just to ease my mind a bit.

We'll see.

I just hope you guys will understand why I seemed to be disappearing from my blog that's it.
Give me some luck and motivations.

Unconditional Positive Regard

(Crap.. look at my title! See, that's what I call the post-Saiko effect)

My friends pulled me aside whenever something ain't right.

 

 

I was about to concentrate on the instruction to (dry) swim starring at the TV while they suddenly off the lights and sang me birthday song... Totally unexpected when its already 3 days after the maybe-not-so-big Two Five.

It was James again whose holding the cake...
Just like last year.
The same pathetic question came to my mind for the second time.

I wanna THiNK BIG

 

 

I really wish  I can go to this one since I already ffked Hadi for the previous one. But my work is pilling up like a mountain and I gotta shove them away bit by bit for now.

In despair

I need no celebration if its not a sincere act.

I need no gift if its not from the bottom of your heart.

I need no attention if its just a second-hand consideration.

I don't wanna be happy now and being pulled down at the next moment.

Too angry to function now!

NOT FAIR !!!!!!

 

Being a quarter of a century

 

When I was a kid, I had always outlined my imaginary life being a grown up... couldn't wait for the time to come, tasting the breeze of homework-free. I mean, who doesn't? And after my 19th birthday, I realized.. I don't actually fancy the idea of "growing up" and what I named as "freedom" didn't turn out right too.

Look at me now. Turning 25 and still worrying about assignment, test and exams!

I'm supposed to be pregnant at this stage man!
Lol. No pressure Bobby, I'm just saying nia.

Okay, this WAS what I planned.

Finish study at the age of 18 - back in the late 80s, form 5 level macam degree holder already and I'd heard and seen so many kor-kor and cheh-cheh working in office wearing nice black suits, using their thunder fingers on the typewriter (PC is not common back in those days okay) with the ka-ching sound every time they reached the end of the page and quickly skipped (or entered) to the next line. I don't know, it looked kinda uh-seh to me though.. that time lah.

uh-seh (Hokkien), means got style.
Pronounce as - woo- seh, not  erkh-seh ah.

 

So yeah, I thought form 5 level is already sufficient for me to earn a living. But now tabalik, degree holder macam O'level only... really one signboard fall down don't know how many degree-holder will kena. Your GCE O'level certificate can no longer bring your further down the blow-aircon, sign paper and answer phone stage.

Get married at the age of 24 - HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Don't laugh! Okay, nevermind, I'm laughing at myself now too. What the heck was I thinking? Getting married at 24? What? I live in fairytale world kah? Looking for Prince Charming with a white horse lagi. HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA!!!

And now, I'm not even engaged. Again, no pressure ah Bobby. I'm not mentally prepared anyway. The thought of getting married scares me nowadays... See and hear too much of dysfunctional marriage I guess. Okay, I know my dear Orange will come and convince and tell me its not as bad as I thought again. I have strong sense of insecurities and that's why.

I've postponed that plan. Date - TBA. Well, good for me that at least I'd found my candidate to walk the aisle with me. Just that I have not placed deposit for booking first nia lah. Hmm.. buying a chain to secure him is cheaper than putting 10% deposit I think? Wait. If use chain on me how he go work and earn money leh? Okay, change plan. I got to think of a better solution.



Be a mother at the age of 26 - That, is why I mentioned earlier in this post that I should be pregnant now. Pregnant when 25, give birth when 26 lor. Okay, I'm not wishing for this now and I definitely don't want this to come true. Phewww...

My mammary glands are not ready yet.
All my accessories or equipments for reproduction are only for display now. Period.

 

When I see my friends archiving  all the targets I planned when I was 7, I kind of feel envious to be honest. Having a 24/7 partner to turn to pouring all those mental-rubbish from work and studies, a shoulder to lean on, cute babies to play sayang with... Awwww. So sweet. 

I'm not ready to wake up in the middle of the night by baby cries to be greeted by piles of greenish or yellowish excretion. Or those sweet wake-up call from my glands telling me its time to feed. Tons of laundries to be done with. The never ending shopping list of the house (Groceries, not Ego or Charles & Keith okay! Mamipoko pants, Enfagrowth, shaving cream, Fabuloso.. Wah lao eh, just imagining carrying those huge plastic bags already scares me liao.)

But... I do know what I'm going to wish for my birthday this year.

No more vague wishes such as everyone around me stay healthy and happy, everything goes well or Bobby buying me whatever I wish for and whatever that comes to my mind.

To name a few that can be shown to the public, benefiting a lot of people, I wish:

- Fuel charges remain the same. Thank you very much Kebawah Duli for all the subsidization.

- UBD pesta convo can last for a year!
  With Ahad's burger and that nasi katok with big big piece of fried chicken readily available.

- the WAVE connection in female hostel can be more stable, or even better...

- Wifi available throughout the whole campus of UBD (so no need to walk to ICTC or library liao).

The rest of my wishes, I prefer to keep them private.
I just hope I got enough time to make all my greedy wishes before the candles burn out.
If I'll have a birthday cake that is.

 

 

Happy birthday to me.
May all my wishes come true. 

It's a bug, it's a light... it's Firefly!

 

Don't know why...

In a sucky mood today.

Its confirm. I lost my barely 3 weeks old Esprit umbrella (with UV protection and bla bla bla goodness in it) that fat guy bought for me from his Sg trip... I tried to look for it everywhere but I guess the careless me must have left it somewhere and .... I feel bad.

I blame myself for walking under the hot sun today.
And if I get caught in the rain... its entirely my fault too.

Both tutorial and lecture class in the morning got canceled last minute when I'm already on my way up BSB. Ate Nasi Katok alone in my pathetic room watching Gossip Girl waiting for the next lecture. I can't stop munching today. My baju kurung feels tight. Pimples have been sweet to me paying a lot of visit and just won't go.

Am not having high expectation for my big two-five this year. Its depressing even to think of it to be honest. I guess I'll be too busy burying my head in piles of books and feeling all cranky due to lack of sleep and also worrying about the next presentation... not the school one, the other terrifying one with wolves and vultures preying on me.

Again.
Can't wait till December... More like January 09 actually.

Why is thing changing without me realizing it, until the strong impact slammed on my face?
Or it is me who have changed?

One thing that's still the same though.
I'm still a sore loser spending my Saturday night doing nothing at home, all alone without any companion in this 3 x 3 room.

Maybe I should have stayed in BSB tonight, at least I'll have a cheerful night with them in Capers. Rather than hearing all those shouting and banging on the door.

Sometimes I even wonder why I choose this place thinking that there's someone for me.. with the fact that there's no one here except the white walls and fan blowing left and right.

Well... no one cares anyway.

48... I miss you.
I know if you're here I can always turn to you. Or at least just go your place do nothing but pull out your drawer and check what's inside.

Feel like going to the beach but am too timid.

God, please send me an angel.
An angel who doesn't require me to talk and explain how I feel.
An angel who just sits there and lend me a shoulder.

I need to breathe.

I'm going out now.
Don't know where... but I just wanna get out from here.